Here’s how you can deal with stonewalling in your relationship, and make it stronger against the spiteful winds of change that bring out the worst in the two of you. Careers, finances, kids, social pressures, and the list can go on and on that denotes stress triggers in a relationship. However, using silence as your weapon or escape won’t fix anything. Sign up for an account. Discover love poems, messages, letters, quotes, insights and more for every relationship and occasion. However, in the former situation, as there isn’t a point outlining the problem area, it becomes difficult for the victim to climb the wall that the perpetrator builds. But rock bottom is where you can begin from to build something even more concrete.
Pestering will not fetch you any positive results.
Silence. Instead of criticizing your partner, try to be more patient.
This is a classic example of the husband stonewalling his wife. The wall in question is in the form of emotional abandonment that one creates in a relationship in various ways.
Once accepted, both partners must be willing to deal with it. Zana Busby, (2017, August 24).
Many times when a person stonewalls their spouse, the spouse experiences stress and anxiety. In the long run stonewalling is nothing more than a mechanism to drive your partner away. You don’t want to be driven crazy with frustration, self-doubt, and second-guessing, right? Breaking the negative chain of action-reaction is the first step towards breaking the mammoth wall. The Good-Looking Giver Effect: Attractive People Are More Likely to Give, Says New Research, Mental Health Charity, Cintre, Celebrates 40 Years This Year, Why Your Therapist Gets Happy When You Get Angry, How Robocop 2 Overlooks the Psychological Canon of Modern Cinema, Why We Prefer Natural Things, and Why We Shouldn’t, Here's What Your Sleep Pattern Says About You. Another good option is taking up an online marriage course from the comfort of your home to sort of the other issues in your relationship for a happy and healthy married life. This creates a helplessness, which leads to using every means possible to get through to the partner. The last, but certainly not least, of the Four Horsemen is stonewalling. What seemed to work for the moment may lead to exactly what you didn’t want in the long run. It is especially destructive to relationships because it can make one’s partner feel abandoned and rejected.
His inability and his disinterest in the domestic affairs draws criticism from his partner, leading the man to build a stonewall. This world in question only takes form in her dreams, which she then believes could be paradise.
It happened again and it stinks. The person receiving the silent treatment will grow increasingly frustrated by the lack of response, which will lead to even more demands that in turn frustrates their partner who withdraws even further. Feelings of loneliness, disengagement and hurt alternating with anger and resignation. It goes through phases of being at beautiful highs to the rock-bottom lows. Unless this happens, only little repair can be hoped for.
However, at this point, the purpose is no longer communication, but more so, an ego that wants to prove itself. This behavior makes Libby unhappy and on various occasions, she has told John about how she feels. Every relationship has its ups and downs.
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.― Daniel Goleman. Stonewalling brings a sense of isolation to the wife and that is what makes it severely painful for her to handle.
The anger within turns to rage, prompting us to shun those who have hurt us. You are not happy, you want to reconnect, to restore the good dynamics in your relationship but it feels as if you are banging your head against the brick wall. However, at the same time, it is to develop a part that forever remains a stranger to that ego. During this period, they have had multiple arguments over several issues.
Conclusion. Zana Busby is an experienced psychologist and author, having spent over 20 years studying and practising psychology and psychotherapy. In a very famous song by the rock band Coldplay, a line goes, “When she was just a girl, she expected the world” and from there on the song repeatedly tells you how that world never came to materialize for the little girl. Irrespective of the case, stonewalling can be dealt with if both individuals put in the effort.
There is power in letting go too, both in bidding the last goodbye and making an effort to move on for a better tomorrow with each other. Communication in close relationships largely determines whether the relationship is satisfying for the partners and endures over time. The frustration it causes, the guilt it creates, and the helplessness it makes the victim feel, becomes so overwhelming that the victim is left with no choice but to act with certain haste to set things right. And more silence. The inability to distinguish between the two makes this fight against stonewalling a complete lost cause. When the undercurrent of a relationship is still love and respect, no wall can make two individuals stand apart.